help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
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Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize