And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
