The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
