Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
