He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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