How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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