i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
