I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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