never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
