I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
