My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
