remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
