yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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