I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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