his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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