I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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