he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
