My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
