i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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