it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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