Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
