you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
