Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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