gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
