does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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