Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
