That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
