Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
