I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
