i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
