I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
