Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
