It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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