i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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