Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
