Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
