He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
