My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
