love makes seman taste better
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
