a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
