he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
did i just pee glitter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
