Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
