i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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