I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
