My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
