we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
