she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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