nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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