Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
