we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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