i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
