shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
