What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
