if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
