yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
