Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
