Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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