the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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