I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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