what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
