She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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