I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found a bag of teeth...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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