I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
