Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
