hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize