I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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