I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
