remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
