Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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