I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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