I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
