Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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