I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
