Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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