So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
